Poor previews
by Aaron 7/21/07

I went to the new movie theatre this weekend to see an over-hyped, disappointing movie (Ratatouille), which I’m not going to talk about. Instead I’m going to talk about the only thing worse than the movie – the previews. Previously, I wrote an article about how previews gave away too much of the movies, which dissuaded me from seeing them. This batch of previews dissuaded me from seeing the movie because they were so miserable.

The first trailer to make my head hurt was Bratz, another movie with a strong, airtight storyline designed to appeal to young American girls. I’ll spot the industry movies like A Cinderella Story and Parent Trap, but Bratz basically throws stereotypical girls from different cliques onto the screen, who set out to destroy the evil clique system that grips their high school. Think the story of Mean Girls and the look of John Tucker Must Die but with force-fed, clichéd, recycled plots with stupid humor. Instead of the voiceover of a young girl like Mean Girls’ Lindsey Lohan the preview employs the clichéd movie trailer guy who talks about a movie that seems to be taking itself too seriously for its subject matter – it even tries to evoke a Breakfast Club like feel but fails miserably with the girls talking in aimspeak. What angers me is that stereotypical cliques are giving way to new groups that are less defined – basically we’ve come a long way in the last decade since Clueless. The movie also cashes in on girly pop music but Avril should have stuck with the “Girlfriend” music video where it was funny and chic instead of here where it seems whinny and annoying – which is probably what this movie will be like.

If you want to see what I’m talking about (brace yourself), you can watch the trailer here.

The trailer that came after Bratz’s tough to follow was Arctic Tale, the “sequel” to March of the Penguins. The title sounds like a cheap two-dimensional animated Disney movie. To be honest, I fell asleep during March of the Penguins, but Arctic Tale looks worse because I won’t be able to fall asleep. Instead of the stoic Morgan Freeman narrating the life of the Antarctic, Queen Latifah will be narrating the life of the Arctic. The movie actually has the nerve to introduce Latifah as “storyteller Queen Latifah.” Instead of the steady voice of nature, we have the wisecracking antics of the Queen. The preview alone packed in so many poor, inappropriate jokes from Queen Latifah that it made me cringe. So much of all of this made me pause – is Queen Latifah really preaching about global warming? They don’t even hold her to any sort of intellectual standard – her comments are replete with broken English and slang. Any sort of idea you had that the movie had educational potential is erased when the roaring pop music becomes routine instead of just an exciting introduction. I almost want to ask, is this movie supposed to be a comedy?

If you want to listen to the same travesty I listened to, you can watch the trailer here.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Underdog came on. As if we didn’t have enough weak comic book movies already and when all those Air Bud sequels were dead and buried, this movie comes. Underdog is about a dog that gets superpowers by jumping into some super secret experiment and now he can fly and has other powers. And did I mention the dog can talk (or was that just assumed). I was left wondering, many things, but mostly WHY WAS THIS MOVIE MADE? HOW? The movie has great characters like “Polly Purebred” and “Riff Raff.” To “glue” it all together the move uses recycled, sub-par Pirates of the Caribbean music and drops cheesy phrases like none other – including “Mans best friend is crime’s worst nightmare” and my favorite, “evil gets licked.” I don’t think I need to rip into this movie anymore – the premise alone is embarrassing enough.

If you want to brave the preview, you can watch the trailer here.

You know these previews were bad when the best preview I saw was for the new Mr. Bean move, Mr. Bean’s Holiday. When a washed up slapstick comedian who doesn’t even talk can turn in a better preview, you know things are bad.

If you want to watch that one, you can watch the trailer here.

What I took away from this disaster was that Hollywood will whip together anything they think they can make cheap that will bring in the kiddies to fork over ten bucks for tickets. It’s tough that movies like that Ramones biopic Bob Ryan was trying to get off the ground get slashed and burned while we get another talking animal movie shoved down our throats.

Could “Avatar” Win Best Picture?

By Brett Hogan

 

Last week, the trailer for James Cameron’s sci-fi experiment “Avatar” debuted. While initially unimpressed with the teaser, I began to wonder: Could this film win best picture? 

 

Buzz has been generating for this movie for years. Years. The technology to make this movie didn’t exist when Cameron conceived it, so he invented it. When is the last time you heard of a director spearheading the invention of anything? The casting started in 2005. Most movies these days, even epics, are done in half that time. I could go on. 

 

The most important thing to take away from all of this is that people are saying this will be the future of movies. Now, I don’t agree with the idea that CGI will become more prevalent than it already is. But I do believe that this will set the bar miles higher for sci-fi. I mean, that is what Titanic did. And that won some awards if memory serves.

 

I’ll bet you’re asking yourself, how can you even suggest that a film like this will win Best Picture when the initial trailer was nothing better than visual stimulation? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First, the Academy has expanded Best Picture to ten films. This doesn’t guarantee anything other than improved chances for most films on the cusp.

 

Second, after last year’s Oscars debacle, which saw the best film of the year, “The Dark Knight,” not only get shafted in awards but nominations as well, the Academy is pulling out all the stops to appease those with the loudest voices in the film industry, the fanboys. Now, the Academy probably didn’t lose anything because of that other than some viewers of the award show. Perhaps if people are again outraged with the winners or nominees, the heads of the Academy would lose their jobs. So this is all about the Academy protecting itself, which is not so outrageous.  

 

 

Third, there is an economic motive here. I’ve heard this film will cost $190 million, not counting the R&D costs associated with Cameron’s inventions or the cost of getting 3-D cameras into every theater in the country. The Academy will do everything in its power to get people into the seats and make this the next “Titanic” or “The Dark Knight.” But the Academy doesn’t have much power, besides nominating and awarding, so they will slap the “Nominated for Best Picture” moniker onto every commercial and print ad to get the people who didn’t believe the critics to relent and see this movie.

 

Of course, all of this is pure conjecture, and no revolutionary film (Terminator 2, Jurassic Park, etc.) has ever won the Best Picture category because it changed the game. Except maybe Titanic. But still, could this movie actually win? My answer is no but a nomination is certain and who knows what could happen from there. We’ll know more come February 2010.