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October '08
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August '08
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9% B.C.
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By Aaron 3/23/2008
Why does a movie with a whopping 9% rating on RottenTomatoes deserve the time of SaltyStix, who can’t even seen  to pull it together to write ANYTHING in March? If they were going to write up one movie WHY 10,000 Before Cinema? All my bones about RottenTomatoes aside (well, in a nutshell they run against my main philosophy in life that every movie – except Evan Almighty – has some redeeming factor that prevents it from being less than 30%), I wanted to see a movie and that was really as good as it was gonna get when you live in the middle of nowhere in red country. So, without further ado.
“It’s a horrible movie” – Richard Roeper
Context please. The movie follows D’Leh (Steven Strait) a hunter from a tribe desolated  by slave raiders as he sets out, with his arch rival, the old man who raised him yet doubts his bravery, and a young kid who worships him, to save his tribe and the woman he loves (Camille Belle). The movie is not Citizen Kane. No, things actually happen in this movie. Think Apocalypto meets, well, Independence Day, but spoken in English, not ancient Mayan. And from the guy who said Definitely, Maybe was better than Love Actually and who probably thought Emmerich’s earlier Day After was far superior (I’m making a completely baseless claim on this part, but he did say that about Love Actually).
“Even a cameo by Pauly Shore in Encino Man would liven up this bombastic bore” – USA Today
This quote leads to where I was going when I was done railing on Siskel-lite (Roeper). This quote in particular begs the question of whether the writer ran away with  themselves. Sure you referenced an obscure early 90’s movie no one has seen that DOES deal with cavemen, but do you find Pauly Shore funny? And you trust that person’s opinion of 10,000? The point is: accept the movie for what it is. This movie is what you drop six bucks for when you want to see some action with minimal thinking. There’s cool shit. They hunt mammoths, deal with saber-tooth tigers, run from killer ostriches, and fight some cavalry archers. There’s barely enough time to catch your breath the movie moves so fast and it doesn’t commit the mistake of so many shoddy action movies: pausing for a breather and trying to be something it’s not.
“The less said about historical accuracy, the better” – New York Daily News
Oops, I mentioned the mammoths and tigers and the New York Daily News (does anyone even read that? Heard of it before?) has to bring up HISTORY. I will spot them that it is extremely unlikely humans used mammoths to haul  heavy objects – especially in the desert. Anyone who saw the preview knows that is ridiculous. But quite frankly do you care if Mel Brooks’ History of the World Part One is more historically accurate than 10,000? Do you want to see a movie about what life was like TEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO? We’re talking before ANY of the metal ages – bronze, iron – ZIP. That means no real weapons and certainly no domesticated animals (ie exciting horse combat/chase scenes). I am also obligated to mention there ARE fringe historians who write on how it a civilization pre-dating what we know as Egyptian society existed circa 8-9,000 B.C. that some argue started building pyramids. That is beside the point. Accept that you are going to see an action movie. From the director who breathed in American history and exhaled The Patriot, who swallowed a gulp of science and burped Universal Soldier. Did anyone give him trouble about the existence of aliens and Area 51 when Independence Day made a bajillion bucks? Now that I think about it Steven Strait makes a very similar speech to Bill Pullman’s inspirational speech at the end. Or is it Bill Paxton? I can never remember.
“The best acting comes from woolly mammoths, man-eating ostriches and a saber-toothed tiger -- and those babies are digital. It’s the human actors who look fake” – Rolling Stone
 Strait up unfair. Steven Strait doesn’t have a lot under his belt, and Camille Belle isn’t even wearing one, or much of anything. But they do a passable job. Camille Belle probably does better than those random-women-with-perfect-bodies who want to be actresses, for her first flick. And I thought Strait was solid in his performance cosiderin he had to work with a shoddy script and sometimes corny concept. He also had to do it in a pretty ridiculous get-up. So maybe Peter Travers should cut the guy some slack. I mean what if I just ranted about how Rolling Stone has great cover art but the content seems fake. I mean, would that be fair?
“Barney Rubble had a lot more charisma than anyone involved in this movie” – Detroit News
I will say the Detroit News is much more eloquent than Travers – and they squeeze in some appeals to our childhood  past. But basically Camille Belle screentime means the audience is wide-awake and pretty “charismatic” just waiting for her to…well. I mean sure Strait doesn’t have the power Butler had in 300, but his character – and the movie – are different. Strait’s character isn’t much more than a kid and he comes from a place and a time where he doesn’t know what’s going to happen and he doesn’t know what to do so he does his best (kind of like Emmerich) but the point is, he wasn’t supposed to be this driving force (well, I guess the story does portray him as such) but he’s just a boy.
“In the realm of heroic historical loincloth adventures, 10,000 is much less than 300” – Minneapolis Star Tribune
Yeah, I guess my example above opened the door for this. But what I was saying above  still holds – that they are drastically different movies and have drastically different intent. I loved 300 – I would say it’s closer to art than Hollywood – that’s something I knew going in. I didn’t expect this movie to top 300 – although I’ll go out on a limb and say the movie’s story trajectory did a lot more and accomplished a lot more than the foregone conclusion of 300. As an afterthought I will admit 10,000 would have been a lot better with Lena Heady, but then so would every movie.
In the end I think the movie is worth about $5 and if that means you see it in theatres, go for it. If it means you wait until it comes out on Blockbuster, that’s fine but the movie is entertaining. Breathe in, let it all go. History is for school, realism is for Oscar, and Camille Belle is all for you. 5/10 SaltyStix.
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Bob’s October Movie Preview
By Bob 10/2/2008
 Now that we have gotten through the sludge of September movies, it’s time for some Oscar contenders, and movies that think they’re good but not. Halloween is also this month so there is bound to be a lot of random horror movies going on and of course a Saw film to soak in. Whatever happens though, I’m gonna guess that at least one of the following gets some nods come Oscar time. With that, my October Movie Preview:
Cops, Robbers, and Blah
10) Pride and Glory: October 24th
From the director of Miracle comes one of the most clichéd trailers of ALL TIME. Edward Norton as A COP. Colin Farrell as HIMSELF. What more could we want from a movie? I don’t know, and I will likely never find out because this is not one flick I will be seeing.
9) Max Payne: October 17th 
As I feverishly go through my mind trying to think of a video game adaptation that has actually been a good movie, I’m also reminded of all of the bad movies Marky Mark has made over the past ever (excluding The Departed and Boogie Nights of course). I would be shocked if there is anybody who is actually excited for this, as anybody who actually played the game has probably outgrown the genre.
8) Body of Lies: October 10th
Leonardo Dicaprio. Russell Crowe. Ridley Scott. Something about spies. The trailers really tell us nothing about this film except, “How am I supposed to run an operation when you’re running a side operation.” I don’t really know what that means, but Leo says it in the trailer. This film looks like another lame attempt by Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe to win Oscars. I’m not buying it.
7) Flash of Genius: October 3rd
Greg Kinnear stars as an man who invents the intermittent windshield wiper, and then has it stolen from him buy the major auto manufacturers. This just looks like a boring film that will get a lukewarm response. For some reason, however, it has been getting a huge level of marketing with television and even radio advertisements. I doubt people will buy it.
6) RocknRolla: October 10th
Guy Ritchie is back in the genre he knows best, and this appears to be an English gangster film much in the mold of Lock Stock and Snatch. We’ll see if he still has his stuff, but for now, I’ll just pop in my DVDs of the older films that I can trust, and look to be almost identical in plot to this one.
Movies that Intrigue Me
5) Changeling: October 24th 
Angelina Jolie stars in this Clint Eastwood film about a woman whose son goes missing and is returned with something different. Any film that Eastwood directs (that’s not Flags of our Fathers of course) is worth checking out, and this looks to be no different. It got solid reviews with it premiered at Cannes, and Angelina Jolie is ready for a solid role.
4) W.: October 17th
 A film that is certain to be the years most controversial, Oliver Stone directs this biopic about our current president. While I am sure Stone will exaggerate many of the details, there is no denying that he has put together an awesome cast including Josh Broling (as Bush), Elizibeth Banks (as First Lady Laura), James Cromwell (as his father H. W.), Richard Dreyfuss (as Cheney), Thadie Newton (as Condoleezza Rice) and others as the rest of his cabinet. Whatever happens in this film, it will certainly be interesting.
3) Synecdoche, New York: October 24th
A film that I have been awaiting since last year, this is Charlie Kauffman’s directorial debut. I have loved the films he has written (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and Adaptation. ) and this should prove to be equally compelling. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman as a playwright who attempts to put on a production in a warehouse that includes a scale model of New York. It will probably boggle our minds, but that is Kauffman, isn’t it?
2) Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist: October 3rd
Michael Cera and Kat Dennings star as the eponymous Nick and Norah who meet each other one night in New York and have adventures. Something about the trailer really brought this movie to my attention, probably the indie style that I love. Cera is always great, and Dennings was really cool in Charlie Bartlett, so I might make my way to a cinema this week to check it out.
1) Zach and Miri Make a Porno: October 31st 
Seth Rogen and Elizibeth Banks star as two best friends who decide to make a porno together. This is Kevin Smith’s first film since Clerks 2, and I can only hope that it matches that film in hilarity. The only thing I don’t understand, is why are they releasing this film on Halloween? I guess there is probably a Saw film being released anyways.
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