By Aaron 8/9/2008

Did you know Brendan Fraser released two movies in the span of three weeks? Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor were little more than novelties. Journey offered little more than being a showcase for 3D (and failing miserably) while The Mummy was an exercise in withstanding torture.

What is so amazing is that these movies are so similar and yet both Fraser vehicles were released so close together and both being movies that are action-adventures with young audiences. It would seem that both were potentially big money making kids flicks that had to end up competing with each other.

Journey is the better of the two, sporting a character foreign to most young audiences (being based on a book popular way before their time) and a mildly original plot. The movie itself is much simpler: Fraser’s Professor Anderson character longs for answers to his brother’s death as well as resolution to his lifelong scientific research and sets out to find them along with his nephew Sean (John Hutcheon) and Hannah Asgeirsson (Anita Briem). Ridiculous spectacles abound (mostly attempts to exploit 3D technology), as do flimsy barriers to their safety and return from the center of the Earth.

Mummy is far weaker, plagued by painfully written and executed dialogue that begs for you to hit the mute button (difficult in a theatre setting). The movie picks up where the pitiful second movie left us, Rick and Evelyn (this time played by Maria Bello instead of Rachel Weisz) are settling into retirement while their son, the troublemaker from the second movie is supposedly at school. But *gasp* their son Alex (Luke Ford) is really following in his parents’ footsteps by excavating tombs! The movie quickly slides into familiar predictability after the mummy (Jet Li) rises from the dead. Usual outrageous mummy powers accompany the return, destroying villages and people in the mummy’s wake.

The disappointment starts with Journey, which despite being a 3D novelty does not have very cool 3D effects. Even for a kids movie the action scenes are unusually tame and the movie seems to be chock-full of pointless musings on family, loss, and science that seem out of place in a kids’ film that you can’t take seriously. Despite that previous complaint, the movie safely remains thin on dialogue. For a 3D flick – and a kids’ flick – the movie left much to be desired – even for typical Fraser fare.

If Journey was disappointing, Mummy is downright heartbreaking. A movie hailed by Ebert as a return to the series’ original flavor with 1999’s The Mummy lacked any of the original’s comedic timing or fresh feeling action. To the contrary the dialogue is cheesy, corny, stupid, and any other insulting thing you can think – often being merely a dictation of what is already happening. Fraser and Bello don’t help out either, acting down to the script instead of rising above, leaving a bad taste in your mouth that gets worse as the film goes on. As if the dialogue could not make things worse, the mystical powers of the good guys and the bad guys are not only unbelievable (even for this genre movie) but also look terrible.

This continues the trend of both flicks looking very very bad despite huge budgets. From dinosaurs to yeti, neither film can hammer down even semi-realistic monsters. “Monsters” in suits form the sixties looked about as good and the movie’s backdrops look like fifties era fakes instead of twenty-first century blue screen miracles.

While Journey’s childish plot devices can be forgiven (because of it’s audience), the Mummy’s recycling of other action-adventure plots cannot. While I bemoaned Crystal Skull’s copying of National Treasure, Mummy stole from both The Last Crusade and the lesser-known Librarian TV movies for almost the entire flick. A key problem of one of the only tense moments of Mummy is predictably resolved in Last Crusade fashion.

Even the good parts of The Mummy franchise are missing: namely Rachel Weisz’s Evelyn, the one bright spot in The Mummy’s first sequel. Here, Maria Bello who seems to have forgotten how to act – or just decided to play the character as corny as possible plays Eveleyn. To make her portrayal even worse, Bello doesn’t look good – at all.

In the end, neither film leaves much to be excited about. Journey deserves about 4/10 SaltyStix while Mummy barely earns 3/10 SaltyStix.

Bob’s October Movie Preview

By Bob 10/2/2008

Now that we have gotten through the sludge of September movies, it’s time for some Oscar contenders, and movies that think they’re good but not. Halloween is also this month so there is bound to be a lot of random horror movies going on and of course a Saw film to soak in. Whatever happens though, I’m gonna guess that at least one of the following gets some nods come Oscar time. With that, my October Movie Preview:

Cops, Robbers, and Blah

10) Pride and Glory: October 24^th

From the director of Miracle comes one of the most clichéd trailers of ALL TIME. Edward Norton as A COP. Colin Farrell as HIMSELF. What more could we want from a movie? I don’t know, and I will likely never find out because this is not one flick I will be seeing.

9) Max Payne: October 17^th

As I feverishly go through my mind trying to think of a video game adaptation that has actually been a good movie, I’m also reminded of all of the bad movies Marky Mark has made over the past ever (excluding The Departed and Boogie Nights of course). I would be shocked if there is anybody who is actually excited for this, as anybody who actually played the game has probably outgrown the genre.

8) Body of Lies: October 10^th

Leonardo Dicaprio. Russell Crowe. Ridley Scott. Something about spies. The trailers really tell us nothing about this film except, “How am I supposed to run an operation when you’re running a side operation.” I don’t really know what that means, but Leo says it in the trailer. This film looks like another lame attempt by Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe to win Oscars. I’m not buying it.

7) Flash of Genius: October 3^rd

Greg Kinnear stars as an man who invents the intermittent windshield wiper, and then has it stolen from him buy the major auto manufacturers. This just looks like a boring film that will get a lukewarm response. For some reason, however, it has been getting a huge level of marketing with television and even radio advertisements. I doubt people will buy it.

6) RocknRolla: October 10^th

Guy Ritchie is back in the genre he knows best, and this appears to be an English gangster film much in the mold of Lock Stock and Snatch. We’ll see if he still has his stuff, but for now, I’ll just pop in my DVDs of the older films that I can trust, and look to be almost identical in plot to this one.

Movies that Intrigue Me

5) Changeling: October 24^th

Angelina Jolie stars in this Clint Eastwood film about a woman whose son goes missing and is returned with something different. Any film that Eastwood directs (that’s not Flags of our Fathers of course) is worth checking out, and this looks to be no different. It got solid reviews with it premiered at Cannes, and Angelina Jolie is ready for a solid role.

4) W.: October 17^th

A film that is certain to be the years most controversial, Oliver Stone directs this biopic about our current president. While I am sure Stone will exaggerate many of the details, there is no denying that he has put together an awesome cast including Josh Broling (as Bush), Elizibeth Banks (as First Lady Laura), James Cromwell (as his father H. W.), Richard Dreyfuss (as Cheney), Thadie Newton (as Condoleezza Rice) and others as the rest of his cabinet. Whatever happens in this film, it will certainly be interesting.

3) Synecdoche, New York: October 24^th

A film that I have been awaiting since last year, this is Charlie Kauffman’s directorial debut. I have loved the films he has written (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and Adaptation. ) and this should prove to be equally compelling. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman as a playwright who attempts to put on a production in a warehouse that includes a scale model of New York. It will probably boggle our minds, but that is Kauffman, isn’t it?

2) Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist: October 3^rd

Michael Cera and Kat Dennings star as the eponymous Nick and Norah who meet each other one night in New York and have adventures. Something about the trailer really brought this movie to my attention, probably the indie style that I love. Cera is always great, and Dennings was really cool in Charlie Bartlett, so I might make my way to a cinema this week to check it out.

1) Zach and Miri Make a Porno: October 31^st

Seth Rogen and Elizibeth Banks star as two best friends who decide to make a porno together. This is Kevin Smith’s first film since Clerks 2, and I can only hope that it matches that film in hilarity. The only thing I don’t understand, is why are they releasing this film on Halloween? I guess there is probably a Saw film being released anyways.